I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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