franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
