I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
