Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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