if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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