The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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