if i died would you start the facebook group?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
