Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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