i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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