Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
