Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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