he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
