if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
