remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
