you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
