I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I could make wine with my vomit
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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