She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
