even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
