is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
