How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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