You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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