I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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