I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
