Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Someone signed my nipple.
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