So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
