Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
