I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
