So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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