its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
