I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
