Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
