I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
