The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
