i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
