you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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