the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
