didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?