my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.