so explain again why im purple
no
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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