I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
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They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
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TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking