what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.