He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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