That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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