The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
How's work?
Spinning.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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