If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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