NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
