So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
