I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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