Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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