my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
