dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
