Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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