I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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