nut hugger
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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