i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
