And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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