Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
