i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
