This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
