just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
