I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
