He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My hand turned me down
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
