Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
