i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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