Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have aggressive nipples.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
