When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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