It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
