i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
