her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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