the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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