There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
