I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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