Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
