the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
