Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Enjoy the penises
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
