Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
