It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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